If Joey and Clown were talking, all of a sudden, in my head, they'd be talking shit about me. I was so inwardly focused I thought everything was about me. I would pick up on things that weren't even real and turn them into something that it wasn't. I had stopped doing drugs, I had stopped drinking, but my head was so fucked up that I saw a psychiatrist to help me cope. All of a sudden we gotta do Subliminal Verses and I gotta be around these people I haven't talked to for a nearly two years. We had just come off tour with Stone Sour. I had panic attacks so bad my entire body would shut down and I had to isolate myself. I would lock myself in my bedroom because I couldn't handle talking to anybody. JIM ROOT I was in a horrible state of mind. I go back home and pass out and I wake up and go, Oh my God, what the fuck just happened? I stumble across Sunset with a fistful of gnarly money and I drunkenly slur an apology. County fucking Jail and they get the call, help me put my clothes back on-because I was getting in the orange suit.
So I'm just about to be processed, I'm on the verge of L.A. In that time, my buddy managed to work out a deal with the owners of the beeper shop that if I paid for the window right away, they wouldn't press charges. So I kept making them take me to the bathroom, which was delaying my fingerprinting process. They took me to the station and all I wanted to do was piss. The cop's laughing but trying to keep me from doing it. So they cuff me and sit me in front of the Viper Room and all these Hollywood people are coming up and laughing at me. I am fucking 200 pounds and I don't give a shit about anything.
I've got black makeup running down my face. And I just wandered over and put my hands on the fucking hood. I turned around and a cop was sitting at the stoplight. And we see a big beeper-shop window, and my friend goes, "Man, I bet you could put your foot right through that." So I said, "Yeah?" Crash! Kicked it wide open. We get to the corner of Sunset and Larrabee, right across the street from the Viper Room. We left and I was running down the street with my friend. They were on the verge of banning me, and I had no idea I was so fucking out of it. One night, I was throwing shot glasses at people all night at the Rainbow. But once you get to a certain point, it's fuckin' so hard going through withdrawal. And then finally, all that had to stop or I knew I was gonna die. I'd be like, Fuck, what are we gonna do now? Those problems always worked themselves out, but I'd dig myself in deeper holes. I'm out," and that would fuckin' freak me out.
I'd hear someone say, "Fuck it, I'm quitting. I was like, What would I do? This has been the best thing that ever happened to me. And I kind of felt like, Oh, fuck, my family is moving away from each other. I wasn't mad at anybody, but everyone else was. I was severely depressed because, after Iowa, we were sick of each other and there was so much hate going around. I'd try to play and I'd fall out of my chair a couple times and fall asleep in the middle of tracking a fucking song. PAUL GRAY I wrote a bunch of stuff-like I do every record-but I would spend half the time in the bathroom doing drugs. I started playing piano and that was a good release for me-getting rid of the depression through the keys.
Then I'd pass out for a day and continue the cycle until I realized a year later that there's a lot worse things than being on the pity pot. SID WILSON Like some of the other guys, I went through some relationship problems and started drinking and smoking reefer really heavily, nonstop all day to deal with the depression. I just wanted to feel something other than terrible. I was cheating on my girl at the time-didn't give a shit. Instead of figuring out why I was upset, I just drowned in it. I would keep a bottle of Jack next to my fucking bed every day. You were gonna cater to my ego and tell me everything was great. I would drink all day and then go to the bar at night. It took us three fuckin' months before everyone came together.ĬOREY TAYLOR For the most part, I pushed everybody away. Then I wake up at 3 o'clock the next day and say, "Right, let's jam," and no one wants to. " And Shawn says, "No, I'm working on something else." I'm like, "What the fuck?! We're not fuckin' jamming?" So I go get a bottle of Jack Daniel's and drink myself into oblivion. I walk in and Corey says, "No, I'm going to the Rainbow. I flew down to Los Angeles and arrived expecting to practice. JOEY JORDISON Me and Paul demoed a bunch of songs.
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